Thursday, January 29, 2009

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Thanks for your comments! So the last time I posted, I was freaked out about the possibility of my roommate overhearing me throwing up in the shower. It's been about a week now, and she has not mentioned anything. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but she has to know something is up. She must see the food that I buy disappear fairly quickly...and it's not like I'm gaining any weight from eating so much cuz I try and throw it up when I can. But I have quit binging/purging for the last couple of days. Im trying really hard not to throw up. Oh, and I've been feeling so guilty lately about purging, that I told my boyfriend that I started doing it again. I feel so bad hiding stuff from him, so I had to tell him. He already knows that I have had issues with bulimia in the past, so it was really no suprise to him. He told me that if he stops smoking, I have to stop purging. I said ok...yet he is still smoking! lol. I'm trying to stop purging, and I only hope he will try to stop smoking...but it's really up to the individual. I know he will stop when he wants to...it's pointless to try to get someone to do something when they are not ready.

Oh, and on another note, I was talking to my Dad about food and self control and all that yesterday, and I am definitly my Father's Daughter. haha. I was telling him about this Kashi cereal with zero grams of sugar and 70 calories per cup...which led him to tell me that he doesnt buy cereal cuz he will just eat the whole box in one sitting! He doesn't buy anything that he knows he will pig out on cuz he thinks he has low will power. I find it funny cuz he is sooooo disciplined in everything he eats, and he works out and mountain bikes like crazy. Im pretty sure he only has like 6% body fat. I wish I could have that determination to work out like that. I definitely have his eating habits, but without the drive to workout excessively. We were also talking about how when we do pig out or whatever, its always with relatively healthy food though haha...its never oreos or candy or anything...its always like bran muffins or some vegan item with no refined sugar....like organic fig bars with peanut butter or almond butter. Anyways, I just thought that was interesting. Maybe my Dad has exercise bulimia? Cuz he'll call me to check in after he goes on like a half day mountain bike ride and Ill ask him why he went on such a long ride and sometimes he says its cuz he ate a lot the day before or something. Also, despite the fact that he is so thin, he stopped eating breakfast to lose more weight. Yea, so my Dad is pretty intense. I really really wish I could become addicted to working out like he is. I definitly have the addiction gene in me, that's for sure. Anyways, thanks for readingmy rant!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad you've not been purging, it's a tough cycle to break but now that you've had a clean streak hopefully it will continue. Maybe your room-mate doesn't realize anything; she could be too wrapped up in her own stuff to notice. Well, here's hoping! :)

AnaBullshit said...

its always rad to find out how much like our parents we are. well....i guess not always. But it is fascinating how much of our eating behaviors we inherit from our parents...probably just from exposure...so if they make you go to therapy, i'd start with him :)